At one point, it seemed that the memorial services for lost Soldiers were rolling up on each other. The units in the area supported each other, and we attended each other’s services, as the mission would allow. All of this pain created a sense of heightened reality. It was like life experience was streaming by at the speed of thought.
I was particularly concerned about how this would impact the young Soldiers. Normally, a young person does not experience the loss of a loved one or a member of the family until they are older. While loss and pain are a part of life, it is normally spread over time. In the theater of operations, it seemed that life experience was on fast forward. So many life-changing events happen in a day – in an hour. I wondered how these young Soldiers could possibly process all this emotional content. I worried that it might create a spiritual debt that would come due someday. I wondered if we were up to that challenge. Inside the theater, we leveraged our chaplains as counselors and the teams of mental health professionals to address this need. Yet, the question of our effectiveness in this regard lingered.
The loss of a Soldier had a powerful rippling effect. There would be a field service, wherever the unit was at the time of the loss. There would be another service at the forward operating base for the Soldiers in garrison. Back home in the States, there would be a service at the post of assignment, and there would be a service in the hometown of the deceased. Soldiers and family members supported each of these events. The pain spread around the world and over many weeks. For the deceased’s loved ones, it would last for their lifetime.
Following the loss of a Soldier in the “badlands,” we held ceremonies in the field location of the unit and back at Ballad. By this time, we had received television and satellite connectivity. Amidst the stream of events, I chanced to see an interview with this Soldier’s family on cable. It was surreal. It was heartbreaking. There was the reality that the world had been reduced in time and space and that we were all experiencing these things together.
A few days later, one of our leaders from our fort in America told me that the deceased Soldier’s family had traveled a great distance in large numbers to attend the memorial service. When this service was over, my wife had invited the grieving family to our home inside the fort for dinner. This news was very touching to me. I knew that Lisa was doing all she could to reach out to them, to show them compassion, and to communicate the genuine love that exists across the family that is the unit.
I was told that all the family readiness group women rallied to assist Lisa in this great undertaking – over 100 people came to this gathering. Like the Biblical story of 7 loaves and 7 fishes, they pulled it together and fed everyone.
During this event, the deceased Soldier’s family members visited with the wives and children from their loved one’s unit. They were surprised to learn that he had so many friends. They were surprised to see how much these strangers (to them) cared for their loved one. It proved to be cathartic. They had worried that their Soldier, their loved one, had died alone on the far side of the world. They were relieved to know that he had deployed with his extended family.
I will never be able to fully express my appreciation for this event. It was an expression of love that gave strength to the families at home and the Soldiers in the field.
No matter how committed, you could not out-give the young Soldiers. They were so selfless. I was touched by their dignity of spirit in the worst of circumstances. We are so talented at waging war, I thought, if only we could be so confident and committed when waging peace.
YOUNG HEROES
A lifetime of suffering seems to cascade in fast forward
Memorial after memorial – our troops say goodbye
The gut-wrenching experiences compete with each other
Back home, the Family Readiness Groups join us
Their suffering more sublime
The wives, children, and community seem unlikely victims
There is no time for unrestrained emotion
An outburst is a luxury we do not have
It is the next attack that must be prepared for
Focus on your troops – I will council
Your commitment to them will carry you
I labor at times to take my own advice
Someday, the emotional bill will come due
Someday, we will pay up
Hopefully, without regret or shame
The paternal pain of the loses remains
The gallant young people so selfless
They make sacrifice look so easy
Their innocence a testimony
To patriotism and hope
To dreams cast
I wish only that one day
We would wage peace
With the same conviction that we wage war