There was a time when raising kids was a shared mission. Neighbors looked out for each other, grandparents and aunties lived nearby, and the “village” wasn’t just a metaphor—it was how kids actually grew up safe, disciplined, and shaped by more than just one or two adults.
The village was a relief valve for couples and provided a mote around intimacy.
That village is gone.
The modern world, especially American culture, burned it down with mobility, tech, and the slow death of community and the family unit. Respect for elders in America? Cue crickets chirping…
But here’s the catch: we still need it. Kids thrive when they have coaches, mentors, teachers, friends’ parents—all those other voices adding depth and perspective. The trick is recreating that carefully.
Too many parents—especially those who are wealthy—swing to the other extreme. They outsource everything. Nannies, tutors, coaches, enrichment programs stacked like a CEO’s calendar.
Suddenly, the kid has a whole staff, but no parent. That doesn’t work. No amount of outsourcing can replace you showing up, listening, guiding, or just being present.
I’ve seen this too many times end badly with parents I know in New York.
The balance is simple but not easy: build your village, but never abdicate your post. Presence beats payroll every time.
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My new book hits Spring 26. Puddle Jumpers: How to Grow Bold, Joyful, Resilient Kids, One Mess at a Time.
